17 years, 20 real friendships 5 lessons
Go where you are celebrated not tolerated, friendship isn’t about finding people who will simply put up with you, it’s about finding people who love and appreciate you flaws and all. Don’t surround yourself with people who you feel you have to constantly prove yourself to, because you never will.
Remove people who make you feel icky* the people who make you feel like you’re not good enough, the people who constantly belittle you, the backhanded compliment givers; mentally abusive friendships are very real so try as hard as you can to see the red flags and leave.
Really assess what you want from a friend, like seriously. When I was younger there were so many genuinely good friends who I didn’t value enough because I was chasing the ‘cool” people, now that’s less of an issue because I’ve actually grown up and realised how silly that was but still sometimes I find myself becoming friends with people for the wrong reasons and usually if your intentions aren’t the best, the friendship won’t be the best either.
It’s a two way street, it’s annoying when `I hear people say things along the lines of “I don’t text first” sometimes you have to engage with people. Some of the people you meet may be shy or think that others find them annoying so are less likely to start a conversation or make an invitation so make sure you’re putting that effort in first. But in the same way don’t keep on trying if they are unresponsive or make you feel like you’re forcing the friendship, it takes two.
Communicate! I can’t count the amount of friendships I’ve had that have ended because someone wasn’t honest about how they were feeling (it’s often me). If you never talk about it you’ll never fix it and there’s nothing more painful than seeing someone just distance themselves from you for no real reason… okay as I write this I’m realising that maybe it’s not a lesson I’ve fully learned yet as I continue to do it, oops.
Shine Theory ‘When you meet a woman who is intimidatingly witty, stylish, beautiful, and professionally accomplished, befriend her. Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn’t make you look worse by comparison. It makes you better’- Ann Friedman
Not everything is forever and it sucks but that’s life. Sometimes you just outgrow people or realise that a friendship was only meant for a certain point in your life, but that’s okay. To use a cliche: some people come into your life for a reason and others only for a season. As much as we would all like to instantly make these life long friendships, it doesn’t always work that way, don’t let it affect your self worth.
love and light
Rufaro (who only writes intro’s and outro’s when she has to)
* keeping it PG.